Emmanuel and all that it entails
All the Melo-Drama unfit to print.


3/25/2003  

Romance Killed Love

posted by gimptek | 3/25/2003 11:43:00 PM
 

y=sin(x) OR "Just wanna point out the Bounce"

I'm way too unstable. Up, Down, Repeat. Apparently, there's no rest for the foolish.

posted by gimptek | 3/25/2003 07:08:00 PM


3/21/2003  

Capitalism Is A Harsh Mistress

Good Lord have Mercy, I am a geek. The things that you know but just haven't sat and listed. Maybe I play too many RPGs. My favorite types are Console (Square), Paper (AD&D) and Computer (Diablo ll), in that order.

posted by gimptek | 3/21/2003 03:43:00 PM


3/10/2003  

Hm... Alright, I like someone or at least thought I did. Someone I admire and respect someone a bit guarded. That someone started to notice that I like them and now I know why they act guarded towards me. It kills me that they don't like me. It kills me that they don't want to be my friend because being my friend would seems to have this alterior motive behind it.

I was talking to another friend, Deanna about it and she said that this girl has problems with guys trying to be friends with her and liking her and not truly wanting to be her friend. She says, just be her friend. It's kinda tough when she knows I like her.

This is so 6th Grade drama. But, it happens and is a part of my experience. It's frustrating. I thought I liked her. I even entertained thoughts of loving her and The Happy Ending©. I need more self control. Damn it, I don't need self control, I need to let God rule my life. I'm in need of Reign. Just letting go and not being convinced but rather allowing my faith to guide me to the of His choosing.

I realized last night in that time before I was going to sleep with an amount of anxiety and frustration that really surprised me that this whole thing about this girl that I liked wasn't really about the girl. It was about me, my trust in God and what I allow Him to do in my life. I had the classic Solomon problem--not giving God rule over his love life.

Basically, I don't trust God to find someone for me. I'm content in finding someone myself and giving it a shot. If I fail, it will be at least something I did to myself.

To have loved and lost is better than to never have loved at all.

What a total crock that line. Getting your heart broken is not better than not getting your heart broken. Allowing yourself to think that this is the one without any real reason other than, "she smiled at me" and "she's hot" and "I could see ourselves together" is not Good.

I completely belive that you allow yourself to fall in Love. You actually will yourself to Love someone, there's no real falling involved. You build someone up in your mind and give them a large amount of worth and give being with them significance and say to yourself,"This is Love! It cannot fail." and when it does, that tower that was built, comes crashing down.

This whole situation makes me want to be really quiet. Just not talking so much, calming down on my interactions. Chilling out with my advice on Love, especially. Just listening to my friends more. Just listening to God more.

The Happy Ending©
The Happy Ending© is a litmus test of sorts with a girl I see. It involves her & I, 60 years from now, with matching rocking chairs. I look over at her and can I imagine seeing the same thing then as I do now? Is this something that has grown over time? Is she even there, with me or just somewhere else? It's an odd sort of test but, I want someone who can stand the test of time. Being hot is OK but, if it comes at the price of immaturity and spiritual/emotional instability, then I want no part in it. Everyone wants a The Happy Ending© but, at what price?

posted by gimptek | 3/10/2003 02:54:00 PM


3/09/2003  


This blog was supposed to be about Church. But, that blog has come and gone (erased when the browser crashed). My goal with these blogs seems to be just to make my thoughts and feelings to make sense to someone else other than myself and not to write so meta-writing (ie. writing about writing) but, just to actually write. It's not a book on writing this blog is how I am and how I feel (in front of strangers no less).

The writing for strangers part is kinda weird. I could make this private but, I would rather use this opportunity to define better boundaries about what I share and don't share. It feels rather limited to write for no one to read. If I was going to do that, I would just have an off-line journal rather than a blog.

I'm a Christian and bear the name of Christ through that. I want to be truthful but, don't want to be a bad witness.

posted by gimptek | 3/09/2003 07:33:00 PM


3/03/2003  

Jon Blog:
2003-02-22 08:08:00
Charlotte Brontë... I like Jane Eyre. She mentions letterpress in Chapter One, and ligatures in Chapter Two.


I haven't read Jane Eyre but, I'm sure it doesn't center around typography. Only Jon could read Jane Eyre and think about typography.

posted by gimptek | 3/03/2003 04:55:00 PM
 

Monday, March 3rd. That's not for you, that's for me. If I didn't type that now or think about it every now and then, I wouldn't know what day it is. I feel trapped under the weight of my life but, yet at the same time, I know that the stuff in my life doesn't isn't that heavy just requires some lifting. Maybe I'm just lazy. Lazy and lonely. Lazy because I'm lonely. Lonely because I'm lazy. This should bit of wisdom should inspire me but somehow, I know it won't.

posted by gimptek | 3/03/2003 04:11:00 PM


3/01/2003  

Whew! Good Grief! [Third Random Excamation]!

Melodrama. All of my past posts have been melodrama. Look at them if you want to be entertained.

I think my problem is that I want to conquer all of my problems in one foul swoop, one single perfect katana strike and have the sword back in the sheath before my opponent hits the ground. See, I'm doing it again.

On that note, I'm going to post about what's happening right now. March 1st, today. I'm doing laundry, or at least that's what's planned.

Let the feelings wait for tomorrow, let the work be done today.

I haven't posted in over a year. WOW. Here's to not waiting another day.

posted by gimptek | 3/01/2003 09:50:00 AM
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